Are you and your spouse or partner at your wits end? Feeling like the other just does NOT get what bugs you? Do you have repetitive, predictable fights and don't know how to stop them? Perhaps one of you had an affair and you're both in freefall with very different emotional headspaces, with a "I'm so sorry!" and "how could you?" preventing you from moving forward.

I'm a former corporate IT consultant who does not do the quiet, nod and empathize style therapy. I quickly share what I'm seeing, and I'm balanced in helping you both see the role you play in why your relationship is not satisfying to both of you. 

My first job is to figure out the pattern of your problems. There are only a handful of them that every couple does. I then try to quickly get you both on board with what I'm seeing, so we can quickly figure out the goals and how to get there. Session one ideally!

I'm not a passive therapist. Laughing is common. I humanize what you're going through, and I appreciate when you dislike something I say because it means we can hash it out. It proves to me you are really honest. Without honesty, couples therapy dies.

Whether you’re being told to find a counselor, or are the one pursuing help, I hold firmly that there is no good guy/bad guy in a marriage, even though certain behaviors are all one person's fault (abusing substances, having an affair, etc.) The work of really good couples therapy is a change in thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Easier said than done, but that's where each of you will be challenged in those three areas, which will hopefully create real improvements, session by session. You both made this relationship and it'll take both of you changing your side, to make improvements.

There are as many marriage styles as there are people, so I focus on who you both are and what you want out of your marriage. No boiler plate models or formulas.

I am married to a former therapist/entrepreneur wife, with two Gen Z kids. In my spare time, I am an actor at Rosetown Community Theatre, make updates to my house/landscaping, and do a lot of nerdy computer gaming, usually with complex strategy and story lines.